In My Opinion: “In Love” vs “Love” or is it both

Introduction:
“But the you who you are tonight is the same you I was in love with yesterday, the same you I’ll be in love with tomorrow.” ~ Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Photography by Diana Mary Sharpton

Each time I had a baby, I knew I was in love. I could not be away from the child for more than five minute without feeling separation anxiety. At work, I would count the minutes of each workday, running home to see said precious child; to hold them in my arms, love them, feed them, and be completely consumed by their everything. I was “In Love” maternally but still “In Love”. As time went by that intense, feeling of being “In Love” dissipated and emerged into a strong feeling of “Unconditional Love” for each child.

Dictionary.reference.com defines “In Love” as “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; a person toward who love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart”.

UrbanDictionary.com defines it as “To care about someone so much that your happiness doesn't matter anymore - just theirs. There is nothing you will not do for them; you just want them to be happy. They fill you with wonder; you are completely amazed by them. Moreover, when you are in love with someone, you will even let him or her be with someone else if they can be happier without you. It is a feeling that runs so deep it conquers everything. You are not afraid of anything. All you want is they, and their happiness. They are your number one priority, over yourself and everything you know. They are your world. In addition, you can only wish to be theirs.”

There is a huge difference between being “In Love” and “Loving” someone. I personally believe that you can be “In Love” and over time, this develops into unconditional love. That said on the opposite side of the coin you could be “In Lust” thinking it was the “In Love” emotion; however when the smoke cleared the room you were nine times out ten faced with bad choices.

Looking back on my past marriages (three Yikes), I would honestly say that I never was “In Love”. I can say I was “In Lust” and was “In Love” with the idea being in love; over time, I developed love for the relationship. Do not get me wrong, I did try and I had feelings, but all these relationships failed in one way or another, wrong choice, wrong type, wrong time and in most cases, I tragically ended up walking away or asking them to leave.

Now this story does not end just yet and it is not to say that I have not been “In Love” and yes, I have fallen in love. It or let us speak correctly you literally knocked my socks off. I will not get in to the personal details but I can say that I have unconditional love for you as well. I know that I cannot help what I feel, change it or wish it to disappear and it is all consuming. I want the best for you without an agenda or selfish modivations and this is a fact. My love for you is from the tenderness in my heart, the whispers from my soul, they are there seeking your hand to hold, your lips to kiss and your body to love. I would do anything to make you happy... Believe that!

The whole point about this piece is over my disagreement with the statement that only “In Love” is forever where “Love” is only for a while. Without “Love” “In Love” is merely sex. So, the poster saying that “the difference between like, love and being in love is the same difference as for now, for a while and forever”, is not completely accurate. It is my opinion, you can love someone unconditionally, deeply for a lifetime; alternatively, you can be “In Love or Lust” for a short period because it was not really love it is the idea or sexual chemistry/attraction. 

Now this is not to say that those who are afraid of emotional attachment and/or the risks in loving someone are not hung up on the idea that they were in love at one time because that was when they allowed themselves to feel. This is a perfect example that love is a decision and frankly without it "In Love" is not true love. Erich Fromm said it best “Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?” 

True love is unconditional and yes, I would argue that you are “In Love or In Lust” in all three cases (Like, Love and In Love), the difference however with “Love” and being “In Love” at the same time is that you have made a decision to love irrespective to surrounding influences, lifestyle or situation.

An Interesting article which I highly recommend by http://elitedaily.com/dating/10-difference-love-someone-loving-someone/795160/,compares the “In Love” with “Love” emotions and conditions. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved by the person with whom we are in love. “When you love someone, you can’t stop loving that person because it would require you to stop loving a part of you yourself.”

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